Oh, baby, you know what you’re like?
You’re like my favorite underwear
It just feels right, you know it
One of the more difficult parts about all this cancer surgery crap has been dealing with underwear.
Right after the surgery it wasn’t a problem since the catheter was inserted. I just ran around the apartment in a towel sarong and hooded bathrobe when I wasn’t on the couch whacked out on vicodin. When I had to go out– to the doctor, the at&t tech center because my cell phone crapped out– I wore one of my kilts and just hooked up the collection bag to my hiking stick. Hey, I was uncomfortable with a quarter inch diameter tubed shoved two feet up my schwantz, and didn’t care if it made other people uncomfortable.
Misery loves company, as they say.
But once it was out and I was in diapers or pads, my old underwear didn’t make the cut. Bikini underwear is just not amenable towards prostate surgery recovery. Fortunately, I had picked up some boxer trunks when we went on our Katy Trail ride last June. In all the excitement I’d forgotten to pack underpants and had to stop by a (forgive me) Wal-Mart in Clinton since there was no other store. I grabbed some trunks– boxer briefs with short legs– and used those after I cleaned up from the ride.
For years I went commando, and it was fine. But after my vasecotomy in ’81 I got used to having support after wearing a jock strap for a month after the procedure. Fortunately, bikini cuts were available for men then, and let’s be honest– I like to feel sexy as much as the next guy. Plus I’ve always had the legs and ass to pull off sporting bikinis.
The problem with the boxer trunks was that I only had four pair, and the way I was dribbling– when I wasn’t outright pissing myself– I needed more. I picked up some Hanes at Target, but they fit horribly, plus had the longer legs. I got some shorter legs and tried those, but they still didn’t fit right. They rode up to high, up around the waist instead of around the hips, and sagged too much when my pad got wet.
I found some Fruit of the Loom, but they were sized differently. Most mediums are 30″-32″, and FotL are sized 32″-34″. I was leery of the sizing, but got some, washed them in hot water and dried them on hot. That seems to get them close. I think one of the advantages of the George trunks I originally got is that they were 95% cotton and 5% spandex, which made them fit snugger, as well as they’re being cut more hipster than waister.
Since we’re at the beginning of our spring cleaning the Hanes are in my Salvation Army donation pile. My bikinis are in a plastic box in the bedroom with most of my cycling clothes. I am not throwing those out because once the incontinence is no longer a problem I’m slipping those back on. Hopefully by then the Chief Justice will be fine & Jim Dandy as well, peeking out proudly over the waist band screaming yoo-hoo, sailor! once again. Still no word on the pump. That’s probably another three weeks away yet.
March 8, 2010 at 3:40 am |
Although hesitant to comment in this category, I feel the need to. My son is a smaller framed guy that is a fan of Old Navy boxer briefs. Hope they are right for you too.